Tuesday, June 18, 2013

Internal Energy [super oldschool]

"My double stands behind me while im on my knees, seconds away from blowing my brain to peices when my triple stabbed my double in the back... saving me, from myself."
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The debate (or battle) we are faced with, perhaps at the center of all human interaction, is this: how much of ourselves do we give to others, to the world outside, and how much do we keep, forever locked inside? It is the choice between shelter and exposure, the terms of the deal limited and defined by our fears and insecurities. Let your insecurities, your fears of unconsummated love; of being hurt (your fears from being hurt before) control your being and your interaction with everyone and everything around you, and you become a statue. Impenetrable, invunerable, unknowable, incapable of connecting on the most precious human level. That jewel inside of you lies dormant, unpolished; an untapped reservoir goes to waste, unable to nourish and be nourished.
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Let all your guards down, run and stumble naively into everyone and everything around you, giving up peices of yourself at every encounter, letting yourself be consumed for the nourishment of the outside world, and you become a hollowed out shell.
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Drained, left with no precious peices of unique self to enjoy and nothing to enjoy them with, save for the scraps that others may throw back at you, and you end up just like the statue who gave nothing. Those of us acutely aware of this conflict, those of us struggling with it every day, feel the urgency and the burden unlike others. We see the remains of hearts and dreams scattered on the edge of our paths, those chewed up and spit out by this world. We walk a thin line between hurt and comfort, deciet and honesty, with every single encounter. And this society of hidden agendas and subtly institutionalized violence, fast approaching total corporate chaos, where most human interactions are framed in threats and punishments and most of what we need is held for ransom by people who distrust us, this society and this culture form the blade of the knife that we walk on, and one slip could spell disaster. That's why we're all so afraid. That's why we're all so insecure. That's why we can't even get along with each other. That's why we have laws and rules and cops and authority figures.
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THAT'S WHY WE ARE ALL COPS INSIDE TOO. FEEDING ON POWER, TRYING TO CONTROL EVERYTHING, SABOTAGING OUR OWN DREAMS, PUNISHING THE DESIRES AND THE MISTAKES AND THE PARTS OF OURSELVES THAT WE CAN'T CLEAR THE EMOTIONAL SAFTEY ZONE FAR ENOUGH TO COME TO TERMS WITH.
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That's why we snatch up the scraps of true love offered by others and horde them, suffocate them, devour them like starving wolves and claw for more to fill us up, to satiate the craving of that vague undefined hole that exists from the lack of TRUE saftey. True SECURITY. There is no safe place amidst the battleground of capitalism. These are the symptoms of capitalism. These are the symptoms of war, and the war is fought within ourselves, over our hearts and minds, over the pricless jewel of self we keep inside. Be careful with each other, be gentle with each other: we are all vulnerable (the ones who don't show it, especially so).
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PMA